Moms Can Lead The Way #Unstoppable Moms For Unstoppable Girls

{This post is part of YummyMummyClub.ca's support of the Dove® Unstoppable Moms for Unstoppable Girls Contest. I received compensation as a thank you for my participation. This post reflects my personal opinion about the information provided by the sponsors. Go to www.UnstoppableMoms.ca to enter by sharing how you inspire girls to reach their full potential.}

There was a time that I felt very uncomfortable in a bathing suit while taking my toddling daughter to the local pool for swimming lessons.  I thought briefly about not taking her at all because of my own feelings. But then I realized that I did not want to be that kind of role model for my daughter. I wanted to show her that we, as women and girls,  have the power over the choices we make and we must do the things we enjoy without letting uncomfortable feelings about body image stop us. Bodies come in all shapes and sizes and we must embrace who we are and love ourselves...no matter what!

Did you know that 6 out of 10 girls avoid activities they enjoy because they feel badly about the way they look? That is so sad! But when girls have a role model at home, they are less likely to let anxiety  about their looks hold them back. As moms of daughters, I think that it is so important for us to support our girls in participating in a variety of activities by role modelling participation ourselves. We should lead by example by participating in a variety of different activities such as sports, volunteer positions, and fun activities such as crafts, hobbies or clubs. All of these things can be very rewarding and help girls gain confidence and build skills that can last a lifetime Over the years, I have walked for daily exercise, taken yoga classes, taught scrapbooking classes, steered volunteer committees,  and enjoyed cooking classes...all while making new friends and learning so many things along the way.

As my daughter has watched me do these things over her sixteen years, I hope that she has internalized that she, too, can do anything that her heart desires. She can be unstoppable! I like to think that my varied activities over the years have set an example to her, because at 16, she: skates, runs, works out at the gym, cooks, bakes, babysits, holds a part time job as a hostess at a restaurant, tutors kids in French reading and volunteers with committees at school. She has a busy and active life and feels comfortable in a lot of different roles. I am so proud of the young lady that she has become!

An  important approach that we can take as mothers of girls is to make sure that we always use positive self-talk, and strive to be a source of  encouragement to those around us. Sometimes, small words of encouragement can be such a boost to others and make all the difference in the feelings associated with an activity or experience. I always tell my children to never be afraid to try. The success is always in the  'trying' and 'making a good effort' and not in the outcome. This is part of what has made me {what I like to think} an 'unstoppable role mode' for my daughter....I set and tackle goals for myself and I don't  let fear or doubt stop me.{And trust me...I have felt a lot of fear over the years...both real & imagined!} I reassure my children that we must go ahead and try/do the things that scare us the most, because often, those experiences turn out to be the most rewarding ones, and they give us 'pebbles' of confidence to go forward in the next challenge. Pebbles of confidence can take us on new & exciting adventures anywhere.

My daughter and I rafting on the tidal bore in Nova Scotia in 2011.

 I wholeheartedly believe that mothers can inspire daughters to do amazing things by being real, thinking positive, sharing encouragement and role modelling active lives. Unstoppable Moms that are setting positive examples for their daughters deserve to be celebrated and Dove is doing just that. As part of the Unstoppable Moms for Unstoppable Girls Contest, Dove will be choosing 4 lucky women{1 from each region}to win $2500 for themselves and $2500 donated to help raise a girl's self-esteem. All you have to do to enter is share your story as outlined below. Share your story. It's important!

Are you an unstoppable mom? Share YOUR story about a time when you thought about quitting an activity you loved because of how you felt about your body and let them know how you think moms/role models can better support girls to participate in activities. You have until June 13, 2013 to enter. You could win $2,500 for yourself and $2,500 will be donated to help raise a girl’s self-esteem.

Check out more stories on YummyMummyClub.ca about amazing unstoppable moms:

http://www.yummymummyclub.ca/family/mummy/unstoppable-moms-for-unstoppable-girls

Why I Don't Like The "iPhone Contract" for Kids...

Over the past day, there has been a Huffington Post article about a Mom who gave her teenage son a cell phone for Christmas, along with a very wordy 18 point contract, and it has been all over the inter wares. I have seen it posted multiple times on social network sites.

If you haven't seen it already, you can read the article here.

Maybe the contract was supposed to be light-hearted and fun? I don't know. Giving your child a cell phone is certainly not a light-hearted decision. It's a very serious parenting decision. And every family must make those decisions for themselves.

Let me tell you this-I am the parent of a teenager and a tween. They both got cell phones around age 12. They, too, were given phones as Christmas gifts. And with both children,  we have talked  and still talk about how the cell phones are to be used. We  have discussed cell phone use, respect and behavior. We talk and have talked about it. Numerous times. Our daughter is 16 now and has had a phone for 4 years. Our son just got his iPhone for Christmas.

So back to the article in Huff Post...

I read the iPhone contract. I re-read the contract. All 18 points of it.

 I didn't like it.

 I didn't think it was awesome.

Let me tell you why:

I would never 'give' my children a contract with a gift. For one thing, a gift is a gift. It shouldn't be saddled with terms and conditions. If you have to give a gift with terms & conditions, then maybe it shouldn't be a gift...it should just be a purchase. You wouldn't do that to an adult, so why would you do it to a child?

We don't parent with contracts in this house. We parent with love and respect, supervision and an on-going dialogue about the things that matter. And when it comes to 'touchy' subjects like cell phones, social media and curfews....we have meaningful discussions about what the expectations regarding behaviour are. We have numerous meaningful discussions...all the time. And when we have to,  we make a rule or change a rule.

Contracts are a business tool...that is their purpose and that is what they were designed for. They are full of legal-ease and wordy phrases. Contracts have their place in the business world. I don't understand the necessity of using a business tool with children .I am not sure you are giving your child respect when you place a contract on them. Would you want your husband/wife to place a contract on you? Not me. No thank you. And what about when things come up that you didn't think of, and you have to re-evaluate? I would not want to be saddled with having to re-write or add clauses and sub-sections to a contract for my children. I mean really. Why don't just good old-fashioned words and rules work? {And I am not talking about the child who has behavioral issues and has broken the rules numerous times and might then need a 'contract' that has been recommended by a mental health professional as part of their treatment. I am talking about normal, get-into-trouble-once in a while children.}

 I had both my kids read the contract. Then we had a discussion about the 'contract'. We agreed that we have many of the same rules and expectations as specified in the contract...but we don't deliver the information as a 'contract'. We deliver it in everyday parenting and family discussions and reminders and family values. My son just got his phone and it's all new to him. I check  and monitor his phone every day.  If  I should see something that concerns me, then I will be sure to discuss it with him...right then and there! I don't need to whip out a contract and refer to it. I will use my brain!  And I will ask my children to use their brain and think about their choices.

Also, why not make cell phone rules simple? Simple and easy to understand. You can tell your kids the same information as the 'contract' in about 2 minutes and 5 simple rules. And as parents, if you have laid the groundwork, most of these things are things they would already know.

1. Be kind to people on your phone just like you would in person. Manners matter.

2.  No naked pictures. Ever.

3. Ask Mom & Dad anything. Reply to Mom & Dad immediately.

4. Leave your GPS location finder on.

5. You break~then you buy. Or go without.

For the rest of the issues, you supervise your child....exactly like you would normally...on a daily basis. You don't need a wordy 18 points to describe this. They don't respond to a text from Mom...you take the phone away...simple. They have brains. They catch on quickly! {My daughter has had her phone taken away before and can have it taken away again at any point. Both children know this!} Having a cell phone is a privilege and not a right! 

Ty has 262 pictures on his cell phone already. And honestly, I LOVE every single one of them.. They make me burst out laughing. Why? Because he is having fun and each picture shows his fun-loving personality and his sense of humour. Here is one picture I found. Silly boy. As for taking too many pictures and videos as part of the contract, well, I am a scrapbooker and have been for years. Just try to tell a scrapbooker that one can  take too many pictures....just try it! 

Also, our children have cell phones as a matter of safety. We live in a big city of a million people. When my daughter was in Grade 7, she was more than 30 minutes late getting home from school one day. I drove to the bus stop. I drove around  our neighbourhood. I couldn't find her. I called my husband sobbing....it was the worst feeling in the world. I came home and called the school...only to find out that she was still on the school bus...that was broken down on the side of the road. The school was sending another bus to retrieve the children and deliver them home. It was shortly after that when Christmas came that we gave her a cell phone. If she had had a cell phone, she could have texted or phoned me to let me know that the bus was broken down. So yes, our children will be taking their cell phones to school every day.

I have had to deal with some very serious issues regarding cell phone use.....but not with my own children....other people's children. My daughter had a very humiliating experience happen to her in the cafeteria at school. After much discussion,  and we decided that it was an issue that the school needed to be made aware of, I went to have meetings at school with officials. While we were looking at the incident on the school''s security cameras, lo and behold, there we see a teenage boy recording the whole incident on his cell phone. We were shocked. Thankfully, the video didn't go anywhere, but still.....what is wrong with people? {And that boy who filmed....he doesn't need a contract...he needs education, parenting and a good swift kick in the butt...in my opinion!} There are so many things wrong with what happened at school....the invasion of privacy, the being filmed without prior knowledge., etc. It could happen to any one of us...and it does. We see cell phones being used every day to record good things and not so good things...and lots of those videos end up on Youtube, or the local news. It is an issue that we all have to talk about with our children....all the time! I tell my kids to do good things with their cell phones...capture memories and laughter. Don't hurt people.

 I question the value of having a contract with children for cell phones, when many, many adults don't model the things they preach. Parents should absolutely be modeling the desired behaviors regarding cell phone use, yet I see numerous parents texting while driving, texting and ignoring their kids, talking about private things in public places on cell phones, using their phone excessively, texting while out with their families in restaurants, texting and browsing at movies.  etc. I think that we, as a society, have a problem with technology and over-use and over-sharing. Maybe we should use contracts, but maybe we should have parents sign them as well?  Maybe they should be 'family contracts' ? What's that old saying...what is good for the goose is good for the gander? Maybe parents should be promptly turning in their cell phones at 7:30 pm and spending time with their families...."seeing the world happening around them".

I do agree, philosophically, with lots of what was said in the iPhone contract. But maybe it could have been called, "Mom's Little Book of Life Lessons" or "How I Want You to Grow Up". That would seem more appropriate than calling it a cell phone contract.

And that, my friends, are my thoughts on this one.

How about you?

Will you be using a contact with your children?

What are the cell phone rules in your house?

Do tell! Inquiring minds want to know!

This post has been linked to:
I Heart Naptime, It's Overflowing, Under The Table & Dreaming,

Why I "Let" My 16 Yr. Old Daughter Read '50 Shades of Grey'

The week my daughter turned 16, we went to Chapters together one morning to browse. She came and asked me if she could read, "50 Shades of Grey". I said yes. She picked it off the shelf, paid for it with her own money and went home and read it the very same afternoon. Done. Deal.

First of all. Let me just say that it was very polite and respectful of her to ask me. She could have easily read it, without my knowing, in her room at night when I was asleep and I wouldn't have been any wiser. And just like it was respectful of her to ask, it was equally respectful of me as her mother to say yes. And not be judgemental or throw a fit. Or protest. Or say no. Or some other ridiculous show of behavior. And really...is there any 'letting' a 16 year old read anything? If they want to read something...they will find a way. Period. And in case you don't have a teenage girl in your house...I can tell you that hundreds of teenage girls have read this book.

I have always encouraged my kids to read. We are a reading family. Both children have a large bookcase in their rooms drooping with books on every shelf. My daughter read Harry Potter on her own when she was 6 or 7 years old. And numerous other series over the years. So it is not unusual for her to want to read the latest hyped-up series.

So what's the issue? Well, I never thought there was an issue. 50 Shades of Grey is a 300+ page book of fiction. It's a trashy read. A raunchy tale of a screwed up relationship. But I have a blogging friend who blogged that she disagreed with my choice. She thought that if she had read that book as a 16 year old that it would have 'messed her up sexually'. Hmmm.

I mentioned this blog post to my daughter. She was completely offended by this opinion. The first thing she said to me was, "Mom! I know what love looks like! This book is about a screwed up relationship and I have seen just as bad in movies & TV!" {Think CSI, Hunger Games, horror movies that teens love, etc.}

She is absolutely right. She does know what love looks like. The first example she has of a love relationship is the home she has grown up in....a stable, loving family where her father and I have been married for 17 years. We talk, love, argue, yell, hug, cry and laugh...all an example to our children of what a healthy relationship looks like. A 300+ plus page book does not cancel out what you have lived for 16 years. It does not become a model for you in anyway...it just stays as it is....a work of trashy, scandalous fiction that provided entertainment for an afternoon.

However, this topic of conversation did provide an excellent jumping off point or saguay into a more a candid talk with my daughter about dating and relationships in general. We had a great talk about dating, boys, love and relationships. I came away reassured that my 16 year old definitely knows what kind of emotional, physical, and sexual boundaries are okay in a relationship and what are not...something that even adults have a hard time navigating.  We talked about hitting, types of abuse, mind games and torture. Not a pretty subject, but one that every parent should approach with a child who is beginning to date. This is important information your teen needs to know to protect themselves from harm. They need to know that there are sick people out there who will want to do things to hurt them and I want my daughter to know that she can say "NO" and not have to submit to anything that doesn't feel comfortable to her. EVER! And I also realize that I have a very mature 16 year old daughter and while reading this book might have been the right decision for us and it led to a great talk about relationships....it might not be the right decision for another 16 year old who is not dating and not mature enough to handle this very difficult subject.

You also have to know that 16 year old girls are some of the most critical, analytical thinkers out there. Why would I deny my daughter a chance to read a book where she could come away with some very interesting critical analysis of what this work of fiction was about?  I loved hearing her insights and perspectives on the 2 main characters and the storyline.

And if  you haven't had coffee and a chat  with a couple of 16 year old girls lately....you don't know what you are missing, because it is seriously one of the funnest things ever. I love hearing them chat and joke and laugh. They make me laugh.

And I can assure you that for my daughter, "50 Shades of Grey" was over for her the minute she
finished the last page.

Edited Septembers 2013. My daughter recently re-organized her room and while she kept her Harry Potter books, Anne of Green Gables series and Little House on the Prairie collection, this book went into the 'junk to go to Goodwill ' pile. She knows good literature when she reads it.

How To Photograph Teens...

Last weekend, some of my teen daughter's friends organized a birthday dinner for her  'Sweet 16' . Such a lucky girl!

My daughter and 5 of her best girlfriends  dressed up to go out for dinner on a Saturday night and I used the opportunity to gather them together for a fun photo shoot. I asked them if we could meet an hour before the dinner reservations to 'do photos' and they all agreed.

And let my tell ya....I had SO much fun with these girls!

I never laughed so hard!

Sixteen year old girls like to dress up as much as those little 4 year old girls that they used to be!

There was some super funny walking happening for those not used to wearing HIGH heels....it was hilarious!

But before we get to the pics, let me share some tips:

1~A special occasion is the perfect opportunity to sneak in a photo shoot. Everyone is happy and relaxed.

2-Said special occasion works because people are often a little dressed up.

3~Find a casual setting that works for teens. I chose this street setting because it was casual and teens often spend a lot of time walking to places.

4~Shady spots work best for any photos. Bright sun results in squinty eyes and overexposure for the camera.

5~Have a plan for the photos. I had a series of poses in mind to walk them through so the photo shoot was be fun & energetic and not boring for them.
6~Take lots of pics. And I mean lots. I took 231 photos in 40 min...and I am only sharing a small fraction of what I took...I chose some of the best to share here.

7~And if you notice, these girls are dressed quite differently...from skirts and heels to jeans and boots and heels. What unites them in the pictures are the poses and their love for one another.
I find the love shared  between these girls so very beautiful!

Here we start with the typical 'Arms Around The Waist' pose.

It's classic.

Here are some other poses we tried:

The "Back-to-Back" Pose.

The "Holding Hands" Pose.

The" Lets Take a Photo While 2 Girls Go To Change" Pose.

The "Strike A Pose" Pose.

The "Let's Be Cats' Pose.

The "Do Whatever You Want" Pose. {A personal favourite!}

The "Legsters" Pose.

And then we went to the restaurant with some very hungry girls!

And after dinner, they wanted to do some more!

The "Sex & the City Walking in New York" Pose.{Another personal fav!}

The "Shoes" Pose.

We had such a blast and all the girls loved the pictures and wanted them on facebook to share!

I felt so very grateful so capture this time in my daughter's life!

She wants to frame a collage of these pictures in her room.

By comparison, I don't even remember what I did for my 16th birthday, and I wish that I had pictures to help me remember.

PS- I found teen boys just as willing to join in on the fun!

Do you remember your 16th birthday?

{Please don't comment if the girls' outfits offend you. These girls all play sports likes soccer, skating & dance,  and are honour students at school and have part-time jobs. I don't comment on other blogs when I see something I don't like...I just move on! Just sayin'.}

This post is linked to these great parties:

http://www.bystephanielynn.com/2012/08/the-sunday-showcase-party-no-116.html

http://www.iheartnaptime.net/

http://www.sixsistersstuff.com/

http://www.craft-o-maniac.com/

http://www.uncommondesignsonline.com/2012/08/uncommonly-yours-link-party-43.html

http://www.tipjunkie.com/all-crafts/handmade-projects/homemade-projects-9-11/

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On Weekends I Moonlight as a Chauffeur in Pink Pyjamas...

Yes.

It's  true.

I cannot lie.

Why you ask?

It's simple. I have a teenager in the house. She's too young to drive but old enough to have a busy life.

Her social life would rival Snooki's.

Seriouuuuuusly.

I often get texts like this:

"me and Jenn are gonna go to hunger games midnight on Thursday & I'm gonna babysit for Amy on Saturday night she'll pick me up and drop me off but it will be late. can jen and I going skiing on Friday & Saturday morning we wanna go to yoga. and the waterpark on Monday."

Okaaaay.

The thing is that for all of this fun and stuff, I have to drive her. And really. I don't mind.

I liken it to those on demand feedings way back when. It is for such a short period of time. And soon she'll be driving and her friends will be driving and I won't be needed anymore. {I'll just be up half the night worrying about new drivers on the road, but that is a post for another time.}

I'm happy that she is happy. And doing things like skiing and yoga.

Great stuff for a 15 year old to be doing.

But when she goes out at night to hang at a friend's house or to a late night movie on weekends, pick up time is often past my bedtime.

 I used to stay up in my clothes until it was pickup time. But gee whiz, who wants to stay up in an underwire bra all the live long day and night?

So I change into my pink pyjamas.

 And I set my alarm in case I fall asleep.

Tonight she's off to see the much anticipated opening of the 'The Hunger Games'. At midnight. So pick up time will be probably around 3:00 am.

So I'll be changing into my pink cozies around 9 pm. Driving the girls to the movies around 11:15 pm. And then go home to fall asleep watch tv until a 'pick us up please' text arrives.

And then I'll hop in the car in my pink pyjamas and scoot to the theatre, hoping that no one rear-ends me or any other such happenings that would force me to get out of the car in my pink pyjamas. But don't worry....I finish off the fashionable pyjama ensemble with crocs. It completes the look.

Driving around in pink pyjamas can also have it's rewards.

Like the time I went to pick up Hunter at a friend's house, but on this night she kept me waiting a bit too long in the driveway. I got mad and threatened in a text, "If you don't come right now, I'll come to the door in my pyjamas and you won't want that!".

You wanna see a girl fly out the door in record time.

I guess the threat of Mom coming to the door in pink pyjamas is a great motivator.

As a new parent, I, like many,  used to spend lots of time up at night with babes in arms. Now I'm an old parent.... up at night with a steering wheel in my arms driving around town in my skivvies. Fun times.

But the reason is the same.

Because I love her.